so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
