Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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