I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
