you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
