We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
