Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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