I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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