I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
