The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
this will be a night to untag.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
