if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
