i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
