Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
