You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Randomize
