Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
