I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
