So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
