The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
