we're blogging at a bar
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
