you would pick up someone in the library
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need to calm my uterus...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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