He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
