My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
