At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
