my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
