Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
