ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
