So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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