you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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