Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
