My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
