She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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