Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
