after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
