Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
