I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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