Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
