At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
