One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So squirting runs in the family.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
