i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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