I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
