i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
