vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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