I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
