Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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