i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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