why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
