Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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