omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
