I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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