Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
