I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
