with your own penis?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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