we have pet lesbian snakes
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
