I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
