oh god the rape fog is back!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
