i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
