No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
