Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
