Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
