somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And my parents said I crawled through the house
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
