So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
